Success on dating sites boils down to getting women to respond positively to your emails.

The average looking guy can’t and shouldn’t wait for women to email him first.

If you are good looking, you might get some women emailing you first, but don’t stake your success on waiting for women to make the first move.

Getting good at emailing women is absolutely critical to meeting a lot of women online, and this article shows you how to do that.

Unsuccessful vs. Successful

The average guy does nearly everything wrong when he emails women, and that’s why his results suck. This is his experience; see if it sounds familiar:

•    He becomes obsessed with one or two women he thinks are perfect for him
•    He’s not sure what to say when he finally works up the courage to email those women (if he ever does)
•    He spends hours writing and rewriting one single email to one woman
•    He only sends out a few emails a month
•    Women don’t respond to his emails
•    He’s not sure why he doesn’t get responses to his emails
•    If a woman doesn’t respond to his first email, he never emails her again
•    He finally becomes so frustrated with his lack of results he just quits online dating, convinced it’s just a scam.

Guys that are successful on dating sites do almost the exact opposite when it comes to emailing women. This is the successful guy’s experience:

•    He finds many women he is interested in and then emails those women
•    He doesn’t spend too much time writing emails
•    When a woman doesn’t respond, he emails her again
•    When a woman doesn’t email back, he doesn’t get frustrated, he just emails more women
•    He understands online dating is a smart number’s game.

The mindsets of the average guy who gets piss poor results online and the successful guy who meets more women than he has time to date are polar opposites, and that is why their results are so different.

Changing how you think about this one aspect of online dating can completely change your results. Get good at emailing women, and you’ll meet more women than you have time to date too.

Profiles Lie

Profiles are meant to tell about a person and create interest in the people who read them.

In most profiles, some information is true and a lot more is just wishful thinking.

I don’t think most people are liars or purposely misrepresent themselves in their profiles. They simply aren’t good at describing themselves. Often times they describe the person they would like to be, not who they really are.

This is why when the average guy on a dating site becomes enamored with a woman based on her profile, he’s deluding himself.

The woman he falls in love with in the profile is not the woman she really is. So don’t get your hopes up based on a profile.

If you’re attracted to a woman, email her, but don’t fall in love with a profile.

When I was interested in just dating a lot of different women I would email women based solely off their pictures. I wouldn’t read their profiles until they emailed me back. That way I wouldn’t waste my time reading profiles of women that never responded back.

That saved me a lot of time and allowed me to meet a lot of gorgeous women really quickly that were interested in me. It also prevented me from putting a woman on a pedestal based on her profile.

That is one of my best secrets for finding attractive women that are attracted to you from the start. When women are attracted from the start, everything else from there, including getting their number, talking to them on the phone, and meeting up in person is very easy.

Once you start meeting a lot of women and you’ve had some practice, then you can start reading their profiles and nitpicking spelling and grammar errors, and crap like that.

You’ve Emailed Her, Now What?

After you email a woman one of two things will happen, she will either respond or she won’t. That’s all that can happen. Successful guys keep moving forward either way. Unsuccessful guys give up. What do you think you should do?

There are a lot of reasons why a woman might not respond to your email. The most obvious is she’s not interested, but there can be many more reasons than just that.

It’s possible she didn’t even have a chance to read your email or she read it while she was in the middle of something else. It’s very easy to forget to email someone back when you’re getting a lot of email, as most attractive women are.

Another reason a woman might not email you back is because you haven’t attracted her enough yet. Emailing her again gives you another chance to attract her.

I will email a woman three times before I stop emailing her due to a lack of response. That allows me to make sure she definitely has a chance to decide she’s not interested (as long as she’s read the emails) before I move on.

Of course, each email should be different, but they all have the same goal: to elicit a woman’s response. Two of the most effective ways to do that are by making women laugh or stroking their curiosity.

We’ll talk more about those topics in future blog posts.

I’ve found by experimenting that emailing women four or more times isn’t necessary. Three times is the magic number.

You Won’t Win Every Woman

Getting over the reality that you won’t attract every woman you email is very hard for some guys to face.

Once a woman decides you are not her type let her go. Women will let you know you’re not their type by sending you a “Thanks, but…” email.

This could be a form email through the Match system, or a polite personal email. Either way, she’s letting you know she’s not interested.

Don’t try to change her mind.

It’s definitely possible to attract a woman who isn’t initially interested, but why waste your time and energy when there are so many other attractive single women available?

Realize I am talking about women who express they aren’t interested, not women who haven’t responded to your first few emails.

It’s much easier to meet new women than it is to convince a woman who is not interested that she should like you.

Don’t take a woman’s lack of interest in you personally. Beating yourself up over a woman that’s not interested is silly when there are so many other women to date.

The sooner you know a woman is not interested in you, the better because it saves you a lot of time, energy and frustration.

Online Dating Is A Smart Number’s Game

You’ve probably heard online dating is a number’s game. That’s true, it is. Use this to your advantage.

The biggest dating sites have tens of thousands of attractive women in every city with more joining every day. This means the numbers are definitely in your favor.

The way you use this to your advantage is by playing it smart.

Rather than mass emailing crappy emails and hoping for one or two responses back, develop good emails that convert well.

When you have great emails that convert well, meaning women respond to them, you don’t have to send out very many emails and you’ll still meet a lot of women.

That makes your life much easier and saves you a lot of time. We’ll talk a lot more about writing killer emails in the near future in other blog posts.

But for now, try to improve your response rates on your emails by split testing them.

Split testing is an old marketing method to get more responses by continually testing similar but different marketing messages.

In terms of emails, this means you would send out two similar emails; however, they would have one difference. The difference could be anything from an extra sentence to using different words to describe the same thing, or anything else you want to try.

You would then send out the different emails to women. Let’s call the emails Email A and Email B. You would send Email A to five women and you would send Email B to five women.

The email that gets more responses converts better and is the winner or “control.” You might have to send the emails to multiple groups of women to find a clear cut winner.

You would then take your winning or control email and make another change to it, which would give you two emails again. You would then send the emails to more women as described above.

Over a relatively short period of time you can come up with emails that convert well, and therefore get more women emailing you back.

If you’re confused about split testing, read this section a few more times. It’s easier than it may sound, and it will make more sense once you try it.

If you’re really confused, think of split testing like tournament brackets. You have two teams (or emails) that play against one another. Only one team can win and moves on in the tournament.

It works the same way with the emails you’re testing. Only one email will win and move on to “play” against another email.

So How Many Women Should You Email?

In this post we’ve talked about emailing women, and the differences between what successful and unsuccessful guys do. The last thing to talk about is exactly how many women you should email.

If you’re just getting started online, or you’ve been online for a while but your results suck, you should be emailing a minimum of 25 to 30 women a week.

That’s a good starting point and will allow you to get some responses. Try to increase your conversion rate using split testing, as described above.

Writing good emails that women respond to is definitely worth your time. Once you write emails that convert well, you can copy and paste them over and over again to meet new women.

It’s time to try it yourself. Write a few emails right now to split test. Don’t worry if they suck at first. You have to start somewhere.

Brandon Duran

This entry was posted on January 13, 2010 at 11:34 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.