Ask the average guy on a dating site what kind of men he thinks women on the site are looking for and you’ll get some variation of “tall, super good-looking and in great shape.”

In forums and on blogs everywhere guys complain about the ridiculous competition on dating sites.

Read a few of the rants and they all begin to sound the same: “Women have it so easy on dating sites. There are so many more guys on dating sites than women that women only go for the best-looking guys, which means average guys get scraps at best.”

Oh cry me a river.

If that quote mirrors your feelings, I’ve got some good news for you.

In a recent poll about the men women are attracted to, 91% of women say they prefer guys with flaws rather than a guy who is perfect.

An article discussing the results of this poll revealed some other interesting female preferences too, such as two-thirds of women prefer a naturally hairy guy, and about half of women prefer a chubbier man over a toned one. Lots of women prefer geeky dudes too.

Although the results of the poll were interesting and give fat, hairy, geeky dudes everywhere hope, what I found more revealing were some of the comments left by women.

It’s easy to chalk up the results of the poll as being flukes, but women leaving comments about the articles had nothing to gain by leaving comments one way or another, so it’s safe to say they reflect their true feelings.

Their comments reinforce what the poll results claimed.

For example, check out this one:

“Whether women like to admit it or not a man with big muscles who spends more time getting ready then they do is intimidating.

“I have been with my “geek” for almost 15 years and have been asked “why?” quite a few times, but truthfully its because he makes me laugh, is very smart, challenges me and makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world.

“Although yes, it can vary a bit from woman to woman, these are truly the type of characteristics women want and so If every man clued into the importance of them, then I would honestly say there is hope for ALL of you!”
- Kirsten, Canada, 20/2/2010 17:03

I found a few other interesting comments left for a different article discussing the same poll:

Monday 22 February By kaye:
“Cuddly physique, facial hair, chest hair, geeky…so spot on for me! That’s kind of incredible. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s my absolute ideal, but it’s a very attractive, comfortable “type” for me and my boyfriend of 1.5 years falls into all of those categories. He isn’t intimidating, he makes me feel safe, we have overlapping interests and he’s got some of that rugged masculinity to boot!

“Either way, it’s great to see that I’m not the only one with a silly and/or inappropriate secret type of guy! Some of the ones listed got a chuckle out of me. Great article as usual.”

And here’s another comment from a different woman about that same article:

Friday 26 February By Alison:
“I love the slightly pudgy, not too tall (5’9″-5’11″) with wavy blonde (a little curly, not too) hair type. That’s my favorite. I can’t think of someone with the body, but Simon Baker is a good example of the hair. Really ripped body builder types are kind of gross.”

You’ve heard it straight from women’s mouths. A small minority of women are looking for guys that look like models, while most women are perfectly happy and even prefer average-looking men with a few flaws.

This blog post is just a long way of saying regardless of what you look like, there are women out there that find you irresistible, as hard as that may be to believe.

Of course, the other side of that coin is there are other women who won’t be attracted to you, but don’t focus your time on those women. Focus your time on the women who are attracted to you and who you’re attracted to.

If you haven’t been emailing the women you’re most attracted to for fear of being shot down because you’re not her type, this poll is all the reason you need to go ahead and email those women now. You’ve got nothing to lose.

See you next time,

Brandon Duran

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Meeting women online can be extremely frustrating when you’re not getting any responses, but it can be even more frustrating when you’re getting responses but nothing is panning out.

Once you get good at getting responses, the next step is converting those responses to phone numbers and then meeting up with the women.

The biggest hurdle to get over is getting women to respond to your emails. After you’ve gotten passed that hurdle, the other steps are fairly easy.

Having said that, there are lots of women who will respond to your emails but won’t go any further. Why is that?

There are a variety of reasons.

First, it’s possible the woman is not interested. Some women will send a polite response to you since you took the time to email them.

These women will usually let you know in some way they are not interested, even if it’s only to tell you thank you for your email but they have met someone else.

When a woman does that, thank her and move on.

Trying to convince uninterested women they should give you a chance is almost never worth your time. Be glad she’s weeded herself out and saved you a lot of time.

There are other women on dating sites only to get attention from men. It’s fun and validating for a woman to open her inbox and see that she has a bunch of emails from guys who are interested in her. It’s an ego boost.

But most of those women stop there, at the email stage.

For whatever reason, they decide it’s more fun to get a bunch of attention through email rather than meeting guys in person.

In fact, there is a book written by a woman who was on various dating sites for eight years, titled Confessions of An Online Dating Addict.

One of the topics she discussed in the book was how she found it more exciting to get the attention of men emailing her than going out with any of them.

She was on dating sites for the thrill of being the center of attention rather than actually trying to meet someone.

For guys trying to meet women on dating sites, this kind of behavior can be very frustrating and time consuming.

So it’s very important to recognize when a woman only wants to play email tag.

The time you waste on women who only want attention and nothing more is time you can’t spend with women who are actually interested in more.

I have a name for women that only want to email back and forth without ever going to the next level: Email Queens.

Email Queens are women that have fun messing around online, but who you will never meet in real life.

My guess is that Email Queens do meet up with a few guys, but they find meeting up with those guys much less validating than the attention they get from hundreds of men emailing them.

How To Spot An Email Queen

A woman who is not interested and sends an email back to you will either let you know straight up she’s not interested for whatever reason or will let you down gently.

An uninterested woman will not keep emailing you again and again because she doesn’t want to keep getting emails from you.

Contrast that with an Email Queen will continue to email you even when she’s not interested.

The easiest way to spot an Email Queen is to recognize when she keeps responding to your emails but never goes to the next level.

For example, let’s say you email back and forth with a woman and then ask for her number. She then responds to your email, but doesn’t give you her number.

So you ask for her number in a different way. She emails you back again, doesn’t mention her number, but asks more questions or just corresponds with you.

That is an Email Queen. She has zero interest in anything but consuming your time and receiving emails from you.

About 10-15% of the women I email end up being Email Queens.

Some Email Queens can be very tricky too since they will flirt with you to keep you emailing. You might even get a number, but you’ll be playing the same games with them on the phone if they ever answer.

ScienceDaily.com had an article a while back about a study published in the journal Psychological Science aimed at deciphering when a person is interested in the person they are on a date with.

In the study they found some women are very good at faking interest and will sometimes even flirt with men they aren’t interested in. Even other women had trouble figuring out when some women were faking attraction.

This emphasizes how hard it can be to decipher when a woman is truly interested versus a woman that is just emailing you back for attention.

If you use the technique I gave you above though, you’ll quickly be able to tell if a woman is interested in your or just playing games.

It comes down to her response. If you give her multiple opportunities to go to the next level, and she never accepts but keeps emailing you, you’re dealing with an Email Queen.

Beating The Email Queen At Her Own Game

One reason it’s so important to quickly identify when you’re dealing with an Email Queen is because of how much of your time they can waste. The time you spend playing games with Email Queens is time you can’t spend with women who are genuinely interested in you.

The best thing to do when you recognize you’re dealing with an Email Queen is stop all correspondence with her. Do not hope that you’ll be able to somehow get her to the next step, because you won’t.

If you continue to email her, she will just suck up more of your time and frustrate you.

Women that are interested in you don’t do that. They make it easy for you to get their number and then to meet up with them.

The more time you focus on women that are actually interested in you, the more success you’ll have on dating sites, and the more fun you’ll have.

Brandon Duran

For obvious reasons, a lot of guys want to know when it’s okay to talk about sex with women.

It only seems fair to discuss sex with a new woman at some point, right?

Wrong!

If you’ve been on dating sites, you’ve surely noticed how many women directly state in their profile something to the effect that they don’t want to receive sexual propositions through email.

Why do you think so many women have to say that in their profile?

It’s because some guys think if they talk to a woman about sex, the chances of her having sex with them increases.

Nope, it doesn’t work like that.

When a guy propositions a woman for sex through email, or he makes references to sex in his profile, it screams at her that she’s dealing with a little boy who isn’t very experienced with women.

Talking about sex with a woman before you’ve talked to her in person just ends up looking creepy, and like you’re in desperate need of sex, but can’t get any.

I don’t know of any women who find desperation attractive.

The Biggest Reason Not To Talk About Sex With New Women

There is a very big reason I don’t talk about sex with a woman before being intimate with her.

You actually decrease your chances of having sex with a woman when you bring up sex too soon. It’s like revealing your cards. You convey that the woman has already won you over.

Women don’t want what they can easily have. Most women like to work for your attraction and attention, even if just a little bit.

By not bringing up sex so quickly, like most guys do, you convey you’re a challenge and she’ll have to work a little bit harder to win you over, which creates attraction.

There’s another reason I don’t talk to women about sex before being intimate – because it kills spontaneity.

Things can’t “just happen” when you’ve been bringing it up all night or on the phone or though email.

By not talking about sex, you don’t put up a bunch of barriers in a woman’s mind to doing things with you, such as going back to your place after a date.

Women Who Talk About Sex

Some women like to bring sex up (by email or on the phone) to see how far you’ll take the conversation. This is almost always a test.

If she mentions sex, address the topic and then move on to the next topic. If you linger, you convey that a woman has sexual control over you; she mentions sex, you jump. That’s an attraction killer for most women.

You can’t have sex with a woman through email over the phone anyway, so why start that conversation at that time? Wait until you’re in person with her, when things could actually happen.

The Best Time To Talk About Sex

Hopefully you now understand why bringing up sex with a new woman only makes it harder to have sex with her.

So when is the best time to talk about sex with a new woman?

The best time to talk about sex before being intimate with a woman for the first time is never. Words can only put up barriers.

Rather than talking, use body language to transition to sex.

When the chemistry is right and you and a woman are in place where you two could actually have sex, the easiest way to get things rolling is by kissing. Kissing leads to touching, which then leads to clothes coming off.

For some guys this will seem absolutely obvious, and for others it will be a major realization.

The take home message is don’t bring up sex in your profile, emails or over the phone.

Brandon Duran