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Keep getting stuck in the same place on dating sites? Don’t know what to say in your emails or profile? Can you get responses from women but can’t get their numbers?
This is the place to talk about it.
Leave your biggest hurdles or questions down below as a comment or send it to brandonduran [at] gethertorespond [.] com and I may answer your questions in the next issue of “Reader Q&A.”
Brandon Duran
Hey Brandon thanks for getting back to me again on the last post. My success in increasing directly because of your input.
I changed the system like you said to only include 18-25 years old. I have realised that the refresh rate of women where i live allows me to send 2 new emails a day sustainably.
So i have been sending 14 a week. Last week i got 2 new numbers as well as 1 number from a girl from my older system. I am pleased with that because i havnt finished my first split test yet and i am already getting a good response. Stil its only been one week so i shouldnt generalise yet.
I also have benefited from creating the first email to ‘no response’ girls. I pretty much copied the one out off dave m but its working well for now. I noticed in your system you have another one you send as well if they ignore the first two. I am curious about that. Maybe the no reply emails could be a future topic.
Secondly what your opinion in regards to outright calling a girl or messaging her first from the number she gives you. Its partially me being a pussy but it seems like if a girl doesnt know me well yet she wont answer and then you got this awkward situation where you either leave a message or call later. What are your thoughts on that?
Finally a quicks ones
On plenty of fish they offer the option of becoming a “serious member” which lets you customize your background. Is this a good way to differentiate yourself or does it make you look like your to into internet dating and act as a DLV?
Finally i have started thinking about split testing my initial text messages to numbers, am i taking this too far?
Cheers again mate
Droog
Hey Droog,
Fantastic! I’m glad what I’ve shown you has had such a big impact on your response rate. Doubling your response rate to your emails after just a week of split testing is pretty damn good!
But let’s wait to see see how split testing your emails improves your responses in a month or two. I’m betting you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
You asked about emails I send to women who don’t respond to the first email I send them. I have two different emails I use, and I give away both emails in my upcoming ebook, ‘From Dateless To Double Booking.’
Those two emails have easily quintupled the amount of women who give me their numbers (and who I end up dating).
Without those emails I would still be mass emailing women and praying for a single response. Using the emails I mentioned, you’ll never have to pray for responses again because they’ll come automatically.
I have a complimentary copy of my book reserved for you since you’re a “doer.”
I plan on releasing the book in July, but I’ll be giving away “review copies” in June. If anyone else wants a review copy, you need to speak up now because I’m giving away only a small number before the launch.
Onward.
You asked what to do after a woman gives you her number. The time after a woman gives you her number is critical. Mess that up and her number is useless.
I have a fantastic text for bridging the moment she gives you her number to the moment you call her.
This one-sentence text will get her to program your name into her phone and anxiously await your call. That circumvents women not answering your call because they don’t recognize your number.
I wasn’t planning on giving away this text, but since you called me out, I feel compelled to give it up. I’ll publish an article on the blog next week that reveals this text.
On the topic of becoming a “serious member” on Plenty of Fish, I wouldn’t do it and I haven’t done it. I don’t want a woman thinking I’m “serious” or desperate to find a woman.
For women, being “serious” can work wonderfully, but for guys, it just puts one more unnecessary obstacle in your path because it makes you look desperate. And the same goes for customizing your profile.
Good questions. Thank you for having the balls to apply what you’re learning and improve your dating life.
Brandon Duran
Hey mate
My rate of responses has slowed abit over the last week. I think i have fished out my pond a little and will have to rely on new girls coming in. Because of this i really wanna improve my conversion rate. I set up a duplicate profile to test openers on girls in other states like you said and responses have been good. Should i continue these past getting the information for the split test or is that just a waste of time?
Also i have been texting the girls i get the number of but so far they have flaked either on the day or a few days before the date. How man i change this?
Cheers again mate
Droog
I would take your split tests from other states all the way to the point of getting phone numbers. That way you’ll have a solid email sequence so you can get women’s numbers in your own area.
If you’re asking if it’s a waste of time to talk to women from other states, I would say it’s definitely a waste of time, unless you travel a lot.
You asked about women flaking on you.
If women agree to meet up with you but then flake, you might not be developing enough comfort on the phone.
I like to talk to women for 15-30 minutes over the phone. I’ll make the woman laugh a few times and then tell some funny or interesting things that are happening in my life right now.
Then I’ll ask a woman some questions to give her a chance to talk too.
After that, I’ll tell the woman I need to get going but that we should get together for a drink. (Make sure you have a place already picked out.)
Set the date for a few days in advance but not more than four days away.
They could be flaking simply because you’re setting the date too far ahead.
Try that stuff out and let me know if it solves your problem.
Brandon
Hey man
I think the idea about not having enough rapport is valid. For the girls that have flaked i had communicated with them entirely through text rather than on the phone. I am gonna change that and incorporate your idea of texting them your number before calling.
I finally finished my first split,
Email 1 – 11/30 – 36% response rate
Email 2 – 8/30 – 26% response rate
We have a clear winner
My next split testing will involve the follow up email from when they respond to the first, hopefully the new one is better, its abit more cheeky.
Cheers again
Droog
You definitely want to talk to women on the phone rather than just texting. That allows you to attract them over the phone and make sure they’re actually worth meeting in person.
It looks like you’re getting decent response rates to your emails. Keep improving piece by piece and you’ll improve your overall conversion.
It might take you a month or two, but it will definitely be worth it because you’ll be able to send out those emails again and again to meet more women.
Brandon Duran
Hey man was wondering how the seasons effect online dating?
Its winter here and it seems to have slowed abit, have you noticed that in your research?
I haven’t analyzed my response rates based on the seasons, but I’ve always noticed an increase in responses in the fall and winter.
However, the last few weeks, maybe even month, I’ve noticed a dip in my response rates. I’ve also noticed an increase in the amount of women who have flaked.
Many of the women I talk to are in college or are teachers, and the end of the school year is a very busy time for them. Many of the women have even told me how busy they have been with school.
I’m expecting an increase in responses this month and the rest of the summer though. If I notice something off, I’ll look more into it and post an article about it.
Thanks for the question.
Brandon Duran
[...] “Ask Brandon” [...]
Hi i have a question regarding this girl i like, I often stop at this seven eleven on my lunch break to get a snack and one day noticed this chick who was new there so i started to notice that everytime i went in there i got a big smile from her and i would catch her stealing glances when she thought i was not looking, so i mentioned to a guy i work with that i thought she was hot so he took it uppon himself to go in there one day and let her know that i liked her, he said when he told her that that she started to smile and blush while waving her hand in her face. well to get to the point i went in there the next day and asked her if my buddy went in there and embarresed her, i said it in a joking way and she smiled and laughed a lil bit so i asked her if she wanted to go out sometime and she said yes and gave me her number, so the next day i texted her without saying who i was and i got a message back later saying who is this? so i told her my name and she said oh hey, now i got nothing when i texted again, so the next day i went to the seven eleven and she said sorry for not texting me back again and even asked me what my plans were for that night so i asked her if she wanted to go out and she said she would have to check her schedual and to text or call her later so i said ok and left but later that night i called her and no answer and now whenever i go in to the seveneleven she always gives me a smile and says hi but acts like i had never asked her out so now im all confused on where to go with this. should i ask her to go out again or what? oh and another thing was when she said sorry for not texting me back that one time was because here sister uses her phone also. but i would really appreciate the feedback thanks.
Hey Neal,
First, good job on taking action. Most guys would have just sat back and let the opportunity float by only to go home and complain about not having any dating options.
To summarize your situation you essentially said you got a woman’s number with the intention of going out that night, you texted her, and then she didn’t get back to you. So your question was if you should text her again to ask her out.
The answer to that question is, no, do not ask her out again; not yet anyway. If you were to ask her out in person she might agree only to later flake on you. If you ask her out by text you’re likely going to get the same response as before, which was no response.
The best thing to do at this point is to give her a reason to want to go out with you.
It sounds like she was initially attracted to your looks or your look, which was why she gave you her number in the first place. At that point you got straight to the point and asked her out, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, it does become a problem when a woman flakes right away. (Women flake for a variety of reasons and that’s a topic much too big to cover here, but I’ll cover it in a future post.)
If a woman flakes on you, you’re going to have to do something different to get a different response from her. In other words, if you ask a woman out and she never gets back to you, asking her out again is unlikely to get her to go out with you. Sometimes it will work, but it is definitely the exception rather than the rule.
Let’s get back to giving her a reason to want to go out with you.
Fortunately you have two ways to contact this woman: during your lunch hour when you go by her store and you also have her number.
You said when you see her at the store she acts like you never asked her out. Act the same way as her, but continue moving the interaction forward. In this situation that would mean joking around with her and conversing with her like you’ve known her forever. That doesn’t mean treat her like your sister or friends, it just means don’t act weird or formal around her. Be comfortable and playfully joke around with her.
You can also joke around with her through text the same way. Joke around about seeing a girl that could be her twin and how she was doing something crazy or telling her a quick punch line that somehow relates to her or the store she works at.
The point of joking around with her and making her laugh through your in-person interactions or text is to get her to invest in you. Just go for a little bit at first. Go for a laugh. Then go for another laugh. Then maybe ask her a question that gives her a chance to invest more by talking. This may happen over a period of a few days or it could happen in just one interaction. Be cool with both situations.
After you have gotten her to invest more in you and she is more comfortable with you, tell her about something cool you’re doing. Build it up a little bit too. (This should be something fun but inexpensive.) Then say something like, “Hey, you should come. It’s going to be a blast! You want to go?” Then shut up, keep eye contact, and let her respond.
The only two options you want to hear are, “Yes, what time should we meet up?” or “I can’t that night, but what about the next night?” If you hear anything else she is likely not interested or playing games and the best thing to do is move on to the next woman.
This isn’t the way I would go about meeting women in general because it is much too time consuming. But in this case since you’ve already talked to her multiple times, she gave you her number, and you’ll see her again, it is worth your time to invest a little more in her using the method I outlined above.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
By the way, I definitely recommend talking to other women at the same time as you’re talking to this woman. The old saying “feast or famine” is so true with women. The more women I’m talking to at the same time, the easier it is to get women out on dates. When I’m focused on only one woman, my chances are much worse that I’ll be able to get her out.
The more women you talk to at the same time, the more comfortable and confident you get and women pick up on that and respond positively to it. Once a woman proves she’s worth your time, then you can focus more of your time on only her.